


Resolution

by northernexposure



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, F/M, Porn with Feelings, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-06
Updated: 2012-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 08:47:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20543363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/northernexposure/pseuds/northernexposure
Summary: Sequel to 'Soft Light' and 'Aftershocks'.Over dinner, they try to work it out.





	Resolution

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck it. I'm going ALL the way to hell. Really hope this is now out of my system: I have no intention of ever writing smut again. I think I probably need to get my husband to take me away for a dirty weekend, or something.

Chakotay kept his uniform on for dinner in Kathryn’s quarters, assuming that she’d choose to do the same, and he wasn’t wrong. When she called him in he found her readying the table, the smell of something hearty and tomato-based in the air.

“Pasta Arrabbiata,” she explained, after she’d thanked him for the bottle of red wine he’d brought. “It’s about the only vegetarian dish I can make successfully. I hope that’s all right with you.”

He smiled. “Sounds perfect.”

She looked up at him, and Chakotay was knocked a little askew by the fact that she seemed somehow softer in this space, despite the uniform. “Thank you for coming,” she said, with a slight awkwardness that he found oddly sweet. “I… just thought it might be a good idea, after today – after the last few days, to-“

He also wasn’t used to seeing her tongue-tied. “Clear the air?” he suggested.

“Yes,” she said, with obvious relief. “I don’t know how to explain what’s happened between us, but it’s important to me that we don’t let it become an issue.”

“I don’t want it to become one either,” he said, easily, “so that’s a good start.”

She smiled. “Dinner’s almost ready. Why don’t you pour us a drink and I’ll serve up?”

He did as she asked, putting down the glasses as she brought over two full plates. They sat and ate, and Chakotay let Janeway lead the conversation, which ranged over anything and everything other than the fact that over the past week they’d engaged in vigorous and delicious sex not once, but twice. A couple of times he had the sense that she was thinking of bringing their talk around to it, but each time she shied away and he didn’t call her on it. He thought it best to let her deal with it in her own way and her own time. Eventually though, long after they had finished their food and as they were both on their final glass of wine, she sighed, glanced at him, and then folded her hands on the table in front of her.

“I don’t usually find it hard to meet difficult subjects head-on,” she said, “but right now I’m having real trouble addressing… this.”

Chakotay smiled. “You think we need to address it?”

“Don’t you?”

He took a final mouthful of wine. “I don’t think it matters what I think, Kathryn. I’ve already told you we can forget this if that’s what you want.”

“You didn’t seem as if you’d forgotten it earlier today, Chakotay." 

He acknowledged the point. “Perhaps I misspoke. The fact that I’m still thinking about what passed between us is something for me to deal with, not you. Kathryn, the ball is in your court here. I will follow your lead.”

She looked away. “I shouldn’t have done what I did today. I’d told you it couldn’t happen again and I broke my word. I’m sorry.”

“I told you before. You don’t need to apologise. I don’t regret it.”

“Maybe not, but I do.” There was a brief silence, in which she shut her eyes. “I didn’t mean…”

“Kathryn,” he said. “It’s all right.”

“I just… I can’t do this.”

“I understand,” he said.

Silence reigned again. Chakotay watched her fiddle with her wine glass, turning it around by the stem.

“Do you mind if I ask you something?” he said, quietly.

She took a breath and looked at him again. “Go ahead.”

“What exactly do you plan to do?” he asked, softly, holding her gaze. “Stay celibate for the next 60 years? Kathryn, without sounding crude… having seen how much that side of you brings you alive… I can’t believe that’s something you could contemplate. It’s definitely not something _I_ want for you.”

“I _have_ to put the ship first,” she said. “_I _stranded us out here. _I _did. That means _I_ have to pay the price, and it’s hard enough being a Captain in this situation without distracting myself with unnecessary baggage. I have to stay focused, Chakotay. I owe it to my crew – to myself.”

“I just don’t see how the two are mutually exclusive. Do you think I would become a distraction?” he asked. “Do I seem the kind of man who would ask more of you than you’d be willing to give? Do you think it likely that I am less focused on getting our people home than you are?”

“That’s not what I meant. I didn’t – Chakotay – I didn’t mean-“

He raised a hand. “I’m not asking that to prompt an apology, Kathryn. I’m just trying to understand your point of view. But maybe it would be better for me to explain mine?”

She shifted in her seat a little, and then nodded.

“All right. Here’s how I see it. We’re consenting adults who respect and like each other, both professionally and personally, who also happen to enjoy being with each other physically,” he said. “Neither of us is emotionally unstable, or a fool. We’re both in a position which means that finding intimate companionship elsewhere during the course of this journey would be complicated for all manner of reasons. I honestly don’t see the problem in a physical relationship between us. But if you do, there’s nothing I can do about that. End of discussion." 

“You keep making this about me. I wouldn’t be the only one affected.”

“Kathryn - I’m a _guy_. I’m not that complicated. I’m not committed to anyone. We’re talking about no-strings sex with an intelligent, beautiful woman. I can’t imagine a circumstance where any man would turn that down. So yes, this is about you. We can stop. We can carry on. It’s your call.”

“It’s that easy?”

Chakotay smiled, glanced away. “It’s that easy.”

She nipped her bottom lip between her teeth as she stared out at the points of light whipping past the window. “I _am_ committed to someone.”

“That’s something I can’t help you with,” he said. “Except…”

“Except?”

“I would like to think that if I ever loved a woman enough to ask her to be my wife and then she found herself stranded somewhere for who knows how long… I’d understand that she’d been out there _surviving_. I wouldn’t question how she’d done that. I’d just be thankful that she’d been returned to me.”

She was quiet for a long time. He watched her fingers playing with the handle of her knife, turning it over and over so that it glinted in the shine from the lamp. Her brow was furrowed in a frown as she contemplated this conundrum. Chakotay was suddenly taken back to the cramped confines of that Jeffries tube, pressed close behind her, his lips brushing against the soft, hot skin of her neck, whispering in her ear.

_Say yes,_ he thought now, again, every nerve ending alive with a want that may have scared him if he’d really let himself think about it. _Say yes._

Eventually her gaze flickered to his, but her fingers did not cease their worrying. When she spoke her voice was barely more than a whisper, but it was that tone that held the power to turn his insides to a throbbing heat.

“It can’t be all about me,” she said. “Tell me what _you_ want, Chakotay.”

He held her gaze and saw something in hers turn liquid and molten. She parted her lips a little, and though there were things he probably should have said right then, the only thing actually in his mind at that moment was the absolute truth. 

“You’re sure you really want to know?”

She nodded, once.

“I want to undress you, properly,” he said, keeping his voice low. “I want to see every inch of you with my eyes, I want touch every part of you with my hands, and I want to do it somewhere comfortable, because I want to do it _very_ slowly. _That_’s what I want.”

Kathryn sucked in a shaky breath, her gaze moving to rove over his face, fixing on his lips. “That’s… not helping me to be sensible.”

“I told you,” he said, spreading his hands. “Just a guy.”

“We’d have to set ground rules.”

He couldn’t help but smile at that. He folded his hands in his lap. “Such as?”

“It couldn’t ever happen anywhere but one of our quarters. Not the ready room, not the holodeck… 

“I agree.”

“No one else could ever know.”

“Understood.”

She shut her eyes. “I can’t believe I’m having this conversation. I can’t believe I’m actually considering-“

“Hey,” he said. Chakotay got up and moved around the table, holding out one hand to her. She looked at it for a second, then wrapped her fingers around his and allowed him to raise her to her feet. “I think you know you can trust me, Kathryn, but just so we’re clear, let me say this unequivocally. I don’t have any intention of undermining your command, or letting anything else over which I have any control undermine your command. I don’t want to talk you into something you aren’t sure about, or trap you into a situation that makes you uncomfortable. I have no desire to give you something else to worry about. I’m not proposing this as some sort of strange formal or even semi-formal agreement. All I’m saying is that neither of us is looking elsewhere, and if we happen to look towards each other sometimes, that’s OK with me. If it never happens again, that’s fine. But if it does… I know I would enjoy it. And I don’t think I’m too out of line to say I’m pretty sure you would, too.”

She swallowed, dropping her gaze to his chest, but she didn’t answer. He brushed a thumb over her knuckle, squeezed her hand a little, smiled gently.

“Thank you for dinner. Let me know if you’d like to join me for something to eat again some other evening. For now, I’ll say goodnight.”

He opened his hand, intending to move away, but she didn’t release his fingers. She raised her gaze to his again, and the look in her eyes flashed a charge between them, visceral and hot. He stayed still for a moment, rocking on the cusp of something monumental yet invisible. He closed his hand over hers again and pulled slightly, tugging her gently towards him.

She took one step, and then another, until they were standing toe to toe. Chakotay didn’t let go of her hand. Kathryn looked up at him steadily, although when he ran his thumb over the pulse in her wrist he could feel how fast it was pounding. He raised his other hand and brushed his fingers through the hair at her temple, then down her cheek and under her chin. He tipped her face up and lowered his mouth to hers. 

The kiss was slow and deep. He ran his free hand down over her shoulder, down her back to her waist, pressing her flush against him. This was nowhere near as frantic as they had been before. Chakotay had the feeling Kathryn was waiting for something, content to let him lead. He let go of her hand and broke the kiss, framing her face with his fingers. They looked at each other as he rubbed the pad of his thumb across her bottom lip. Then he kissed her again as he slowly traced his fingers down over her chin, down her throat to brush over the fabric of her turtleneck and across the collar of her jacket until he found the hidden zipper. She made a sound deep in her throat as he began to pull it down, inch by inch, felt his hand pass between the warm valley of her breasts and on down over her stomach until her jacket hung open. Chakotay paused, drew back and looked her in the eye, giving her time to step back, to stop him if she wanted to. She stepped into him again, raised herself on tiptoe, kissed him.

_Don’t stop,_ the kiss said. _Don’t you dare stop._

He used both hands to push the jacket from her shoulders and down her arms, letting it fall on the floor behind her. He paused then, hands at her waist, just enjoying the feeling of his mouth on hers, of her hands pressed against his chest. He glanced up and saw the foot of her bed through the door to her room, and began backing them towards it. With every step he thought she’d call a halt, get cold feet, but she didn’t. He pulled her turtleneck out from where it was tucked into her uniform pants, slipped his hands beneath it, feeling her quiver at the touch of his fingers through the thin fabric of her tank top. By the time they’d reached the door the turtleneck had joined her jacket on the floor and her hair was unravelling. He stopped walking her backwards and began to slide the pins from her hair and as he did so she unzipped his jacket. He gave up on the pins and shook his jacket off, watching instead as she deftly unfurled her hair, letting it fall slowly around her shoulders while he pulled off his turtleneck.

They paused for a second, looking at each other, the room quiet aside from their breathing, fast and short against the latent susurration of _Voyager_. Chakotay reached for her again, gathered the silky mass of her hair in his hands as he pulled her to him, kissed her, opened her mouth with his. They backed towards the bed until her legs hit it and she fell backwards, out of his arms and onto the soft landing of her blankets. He stopped himself stumbling after her, caught a glimpse of pink satin beneath the pillow and realised it was lingerie of some sort – a night dress, perhaps – filed that away for later contemplation.

She lay looking up at him, lips parted, still wearing her tank top and uniform pants, arms beside her head, fingers curled into themselves, unfettered hair burning auburn against white sheets, and beautiful wasn’t word enough to describe her.

He undid her boots, pulling them off one by one, along with her socks. Kathryn raised herself up on her elbows and watched him as he knelt on the floor between her legs, smoothing his hands up her thighs, going for the zipper of her pants. He was reminded of the first time he’d seen her in this position, when he’d still been inside her and his lips had been around her nipple and the look in her eyes had been wicked enough to set him going all over again. Suddenly the idea of going slow seemed like much more of a challenge than he’d imagined. He used his teeth to pull the zipper of her pants open, forcing himself to do it at a glacial pace, though the moan she gave as he did so was very nearly enough to be his undoing.

He pulled her pants from her legs but left her panties in place. They were black, no less tantalising for being Starfleet-issue basics. Chakotay spread his hands and smoothed them the length of her thighs to her knees and then back up again, thumbs brushing the inner edge of her underwear and up, up over her hips as she quaked at the sensation. He rose over her and then lowered his head to kiss her navel before his hands travelled higher, finding the edge of her tank top and sliding under it, pushing it up until she sat up and helped him pull it off.

Their lips met again as he unclipped her bra, his hands tracing up over her naked shoulders and down her arms, pulling it off and tossing it somewhere behind him. Her fingers pulled at his tank top, a complaining sound in her throat, and he pulled back to hoik it up and over his head. She undid his pants and he toed off his shoes and then there they were, he in his boxers and she in her briefs, sitting face to face on her bed.

He put his hands on her shoulders and pushed gently her back down. She went without resisting and as she did he slid his hands down her chest, over her breasts, down her torso, over her stomach and hips, pulling on her panties until they slid down her legs beneath his hands, dropping out of sight to the floor.

He let his gaze take her in from her toes upwards as he propped himself up on one elbow beside her and traced the fingers of one hand, feather-light, everywhere he looked. By the time he reached her lips he could tell she was having to force herself to stay still.

“Chakotay,” she whispered, her breath against his fingertips.

He leaned over her, kissed her as he covered a breast with one hand, rolled the nipple between thumb and forefinger. 

“I love the way you say my name,” he whispered, against her lips. “Say it again.”

“Chakotay.”

He slowly slid his hand back down her body, palm flat against her warm, smooth skin. “Again.”

“Chakotay.”

He kissed her earlobe, whispered, “Again.”

“Chak-_uhh…_“ His fingers slid between her legs and into her wet heat. She arched her shoulders off the bed, mouth open in a silent moan. He moved to kiss one nipple, then the other, fingers working deeper, thumb circling her clit. He watched her writhe, glorious in abandon, fingers clenching at her sheets, hips rising off the bed. Then she brought one hand up to his chest and slid it down his body and into his boxers, wrapping her fingers around his hard cock as she came with a cry. He worked her gently with his fingers as her orgasm went on and on, then kissed her breasts as her breathing steadied, transfixed by the sight of her, the feel.

Kathryn opened her eyes. There must have been an unexpected look on his face because something deeper flickered through the dreamy look in her eyes.

“What?”

He busied himself with her breasts. “Just… enjoying the view." 

She said nothing to that, but started to move her hand on his cock, her thumb skimming over his head in a way that made his breath catch. She moved, pushing him backwards.

“Take those off,” she said, indicating his boxers with a nod of her chin as she wound her unruly hair back and over her shoulder.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, with a grin.

She narrowed her eyes at him and shifted around so that once he’d done as she’d ordered she was propped with her head level with his hip. Chakotay took a breath, his cock jumping at the implication. She gave him that wicked look and he lay back against the pillow, one hand smoothing between her legs and up, unable not to touch her.

“You didn’t want me to kneel,” she said, voice husky as she licked her lips. “Is this better?”

He teased her thighs apart, fingers stroking her sensitive heat. Everything about her was so unbelievably arousing at that moment that he couldn’t quite believe he wasn’t dreaming.

“Kathryn, I-“

She didn’t give him a chance to finish. She fixed him with a look and snaked out her tongue to lick his cock from root to tip in a movement that ended with her sucking him whole into her mouth, and she never once lost eye contact. Chakotay heard the strangled sound he made but it came as if from a distance, because he was instantly beyond all sensibility other than the feeling of her mouth around him. He drove his head back against the pillow, mouth open in shock and pleasure, the entire universe narrowing to nothing but her. She sucked at him again and then while he was still in her mouth squeezed his balls and did something with her tongue that almost made him come, right then. He forced himself upright and grabbed her shoulders so that it wasn’t all over before it had even begun.

“Stop,” he begged. “What the- How the -Where the _hell_ did you learn _that_?”

Kathryn Janeway looked up at him with laughing eyes and a look of such sauciness that he could only gape at her. “You don’t like it?”

He struggled to find words, and she dipped her head towards his cock again. “Aah!” he said, grabbing her under the arms and hauling her up the length of his body before she could try a repeat performance. He knew he’d never survive it. “No. I want to last long enough to fuck you, and there’s no way that’ll happen if you do that. Holy _fuck_, Kathryn.”

She straddled his hips, laughing. “Sorry.”

He cupped her face in both hands. “Don’t apologise. Just…” She leaned over him, her hair spilling down his arms, and he was once again lost for words, or rather the sort of words that wouldn’t scare her out of her current delicious state. “I… Is there _anything_ you can’t do?” 

She smiled, bit her lip, raised an eyebrow, and he wondered if he’d ever be able to see her do that during senior staff meeting again without getting instantly and unbelievably hard_._

He pulled her down to him, losing himself in the feel of her lips, of her naked body against his. She shifted and pulled back and slid a hand down his body to guide him into her and when she descended again he let his hands drift down to her breasts. He watched her tip her head back and ride him and _Oh fuck_, Chakotay thought, _I am in so much trouble. Trouble if she never wants to do this again. Even more trouble if she does. _

Beyond that he couldn’t really form any coherent thought at all, except that as he watched her come again, he had the passing idea that Mark had been an idiot not to marry her the very morning after the first time he’d had _this_.

Afterwards, Chakotay held her against his chest as they caught their breath. Her head fitted beneath his chin.

He brushed her hair back behind her ear. “Do you want me to go?” 

“Not just yet. Not unless you want to.”

He kissed her. “I think it’s probably not a good idea to stay the night. But I’d like to stay for a little while longer. If you don’t mind.”

She smiled a little. He was relieved to see that there seemed to be no trace of the guilt that had plagued her after their previous two such unions. “No,” she said, softly. “I’d like that, actually.”

Kathryn fell asleep before he did. He felt her relax in his arms, a warm weight against him. He pulled a blanket over them both, listened to the sound of her soft, steady breathing, and wondered how he was ever again going to persuade himself that he belonged anywhere other than right here. 

_Yeah. So much trouble. So very, very much._

[END]


End file.
